Friday, June 21, 2013
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Being a Dumb Girl
As soon as I hit publish on that last post, he texted me back..... after 3 hours. And it was the favorable pleasant response I had hoped for. He was in fact napping, as I had suspected.
That's Murphy's Law. I let myself get all girly and emotional and worked up. All that for nothing.
My gosh sometimes being a girl gets the best of me. I try not to let emotions rule me, like girls tend to do. I had trained myself to not be like that. Somehow I think I've reverted. Grrr! Yuck!
Anyway..... feeling much better and like a dumb girl!
-Perfectly Danielle
That's Murphy's Law. I let myself get all girly and emotional and worked up. All that for nothing.
My gosh sometimes being a girl gets the best of me. I try not to let emotions rule me, like girls tend to do. I had trained myself to not be like that. Somehow I think I've reverted. Grrr! Yuck!
Anyway..... feeling much better and like a dumb girl!
-Perfectly Danielle
Always Your Cutebutt
It's been almost a month since my last post, but not because I don't need to this forum to vent anymore. I've just been doing a pretty good job of brushing my feelings under the rug, or really just hiding them. I've always been good at hiding my emotions. When all this breakup stuff was fresh I wasn't able to hide my emotions. Now that's it's not quite as fresh I've started bottling things up again. It's not healthy, I know. I just don't know how to be any other way.
Since my last post the unboyfriend (that's seems easier to swallow than ex) and I have worked out together twice and went to a concert with little guy. Doing things together is painful, but nowhere near as painful as not seeing each other at all. I actually cry often, but no one knows (well except for you now). One week ago he made it very clear that he is still very attracted to me. For the last couple days now, he wont return my texts. We worked out and had dinner together a couple night ago. I'm so super confused!
That guy never does what's expected and until now I've always kind of liked that. I write him little letters here and there. I like the idea of writing actual words on paper. Seems more meaningful to me than any kind of electronic correspondence. Text and email seem so temporary. Written words can last forever. They're personal, from one person to another. You can touch and feel the words, put them in your pocket, take them with you. Kind of beautiful really. On Wednesday I gave him 2 letters I had written to him. Thursday morning I talked to him in text messages, but nothing since. I can't think of a single reason why he won't respond to my texts. It's breaking my heart all over again. Just when I was starting to think things were getting better. What the heck happened??
My only option left at this point is to be patient. I can't see anything else to do. I'm really hurting! I don't want to keep crying, but what I probably really need right now is a good cry. I don't want to lose my best friend, but my best friend isn't talking to me.
Until today I've been really good at shifting my sadness into self improvement. I'm not giving up on my self improvement mission in the least, I'm just feeling momentarily defeated by emotions. Wish I knew what to do!
I'll go to the gym tonight (like I often do). I'll continue to be his cutebutt. I'll keep hoping he reaches out to me (like any dumb girl does). Everything will be ok. That I'm still sure of.
Totally missing him,
PERFECTLY DANIELLE
Since my last post the unboyfriend (that's seems easier to swallow than ex) and I have worked out together twice and went to a concert with little guy. Doing things together is painful, but nowhere near as painful as not seeing each other at all. I actually cry often, but no one knows (well except for you now). One week ago he made it very clear that he is still very attracted to me. For the last couple days now, he wont return my texts. We worked out and had dinner together a couple night ago. I'm so super confused!
That guy never does what's expected and until now I've always kind of liked that. I write him little letters here and there. I like the idea of writing actual words on paper. Seems more meaningful to me than any kind of electronic correspondence. Text and email seem so temporary. Written words can last forever. They're personal, from one person to another. You can touch and feel the words, put them in your pocket, take them with you. Kind of beautiful really. On Wednesday I gave him 2 letters I had written to him. Thursday morning I talked to him in text messages, but nothing since. I can't think of a single reason why he won't respond to my texts. It's breaking my heart all over again. Just when I was starting to think things were getting better. What the heck happened??
My only option left at this point is to be patient. I can't see anything else to do. I'm really hurting! I don't want to keep crying, but what I probably really need right now is a good cry. I don't want to lose my best friend, but my best friend isn't talking to me.
Until today I've been really good at shifting my sadness into self improvement. I'm not giving up on my self improvement mission in the least, I'm just feeling momentarily defeated by emotions. Wish I knew what to do!
I'll go to the gym tonight (like I often do). I'll continue to be his cutebutt. I'll keep hoping he reaches out to me (like any dumb girl does). Everything will be ok. That I'm still sure of.
Totally missing him,
PERFECTLY DANIELLE
Friday, January 18, 2013
I Really Miss You.....
The truth is.......
I really miss you.
Pretty sure I'll never really be over you. Wherever you go, a piece of my heart goes with you. I hope you know that.
I've been working on me. Like really working and making positive progress. I feel good and it's simply because I'm doing things for myself and not for the benefit of anyone else. The gym is not a place I ever imagined myself spending much time, but somehow I'm really liking it. Going is just for me. It's good for my mind and body. I really really like it!
I've been applying for jobs, but not like in the past. I'm putting forth an effort and really putting my heart into it. Today I met with a recruiter. Why not let someone else help me find a job that's a good fit? It went really well! I was stoked. I'm still stoked! The lady I interviewed with liked me. I have a good feeling she is going to find me a job I'll be happy with. Honestly, right now, just about any job offering a paycheck will make me happy.
When you told me you're proud of me (with 2 !!) a couple nights ago, it really got me to thinking. There is no one I'd rather make proud. Even if just through a text message, it meant more to me than you may ever know. The fact is, I'm proud of me too. However, having it come from you made me feel really good. You've done lots of things to make me proud. I guess I never thought much about wanting to make you proud as well. I do want you to be proud of me. I really do!
I want you to be even more perfectly you and I will keep working on myself.
For now, I will just keep being......
Perfectly Danielle
I really miss you.
Pretty sure I'll never really be over you. Wherever you go, a piece of my heart goes with you. I hope you know that.
I've been working on me. Like really working and making positive progress. I feel good and it's simply because I'm doing things for myself and not for the benefit of anyone else. The gym is not a place I ever imagined myself spending much time, but somehow I'm really liking it. Going is just for me. It's good for my mind and body. I really really like it!
I've been applying for jobs, but not like in the past. I'm putting forth an effort and really putting my heart into it. Today I met with a recruiter. Why not let someone else help me find a job that's a good fit? It went really well! I was stoked. I'm still stoked! The lady I interviewed with liked me. I have a good feeling she is going to find me a job I'll be happy with. Honestly, right now, just about any job offering a paycheck will make me happy.
When you told me you're proud of me (with 2 !!) a couple nights ago, it really got me to thinking. There is no one I'd rather make proud. Even if just through a text message, it meant more to me than you may ever know. The fact is, I'm proud of me too. However, having it come from you made me feel really good. You've done lots of things to make me proud. I guess I never thought much about wanting to make you proud as well. I do want you to be proud of me. I really do!
I want you to be even more perfectly you and I will keep working on myself.
For now, I will just keep being......
Perfectly Danielle
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Check Me Out
I'm going full pace on the elliptical when my towel falls to the ground. I just looked at it and mumbled "dang it!" As a complete surprise to me, this cute guy picks up the sweaty gym towel, hands it to me with a smile and goes on his way.
It was so sweet! Who touches someone else's sweaty gym towel?? I'm pretty sure I'd be hesitant to touch anyone else's! Gross, right? Anyway..... I'm straying from my point.
Do you know how weird it is to start checking out guys again? I mean you spend a year plus on the arm of the guy you think is the one and no other guys ever even matter. I really never cared to look. I was completely content.
That nice simple gesture tonight, by a sweet stranger made me feel good. I'm pretty sure I'm not ready to really start looking. That handsome guy I stared at, with starry eyes, for over a year is still very much on my mind.
How long is a healthy amount of time to grieve a broken relationship? When is it acceptable to move on?
I know there's a too soon. For me, I'm still waiting to have an actual grown-up conversation. I think I need that for healing and clarity and in order to move forward. Moving forward is not the same as moving on. We can talk about that another time....
I might sort of be a mess right now, but I'm.....
PERFECTLY DANIELLE!
It was so sweet! Who touches someone else's sweaty gym towel?? I'm pretty sure I'd be hesitant to touch anyone else's! Gross, right? Anyway..... I'm straying from my point.
Do you know how weird it is to start checking out guys again? I mean you spend a year plus on the arm of the guy you think is the one and no other guys ever even matter. I really never cared to look. I was completely content.
That nice simple gesture tonight, by a sweet stranger made me feel good. I'm pretty sure I'm not ready to really start looking. That handsome guy I stared at, with starry eyes, for over a year is still very much on my mind.
How long is a healthy amount of time to grieve a broken relationship? When is it acceptable to move on?
I know there's a too soon. For me, I'm still waiting to have an actual grown-up conversation. I think I need that for healing and clarity and in order to move forward. Moving forward is not the same as moving on. We can talk about that another time....
I might sort of be a mess right now, but I'm.....
PERFECTLY DANIELLE!
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Starting Over
This time I was sure I had found the one. I would look at him and just wonder how I was so lucky that he happened into my life. It was clearly meant to be! Or so I thought (and admittedly still kind of do). So what the heck happened? How has everything come to a screeching halt?
I want to divulge all kinds of details and maybe someday I will, but at this time it would not be fair to him and probably not to me either. I will leave it at this; there was some mental, not physical cheating happening.
How does someone in a committed relationship even allow himself to consider cheating? Can two people ever truly overcome this loss of trust?
There are so many questions running through my head.
I certainly didn't make him cheat, but I didn't do anything to make him not want to cheat either. While I take very little blame, I can't help but wonder if there was something I could have done differently. Is a cheater's a cheater's a cheater? Or can someone slip up once and never go down that path again?
It's been a full week. He's still, in a sense, hiding from having a real conversation with me. Feels like my best friend has been ripped away from me and I'm just floundering here trying to find my barrings. This really sucks!
Such is my life....
PERFECTLY DANIELLE
I want to divulge all kinds of details and maybe someday I will, but at this time it would not be fair to him and probably not to me either. I will leave it at this; there was some mental, not physical cheating happening.
How does someone in a committed relationship even allow himself to consider cheating? Can two people ever truly overcome this loss of trust?
There are so many questions running through my head.
I certainly didn't make him cheat, but I didn't do anything to make him not want to cheat either. While I take very little blame, I can't help but wonder if there was something I could have done differently. Is a cheater's a cheater's a cheater? Or can someone slip up once and never go down that path again?
It's been a full week. He's still, in a sense, hiding from having a real conversation with me. Feels like my best friend has been ripped away from me and I'm just floundering here trying to find my barrings. This really sucks!
Such is my life....
PERFECTLY DANIELLE
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